


if I could only read your mind (then I could map out all the ways to make it right)

by diazevan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of War Flashbacks, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, only mentioned tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diazevan/pseuds/diazevan
Summary: “Well, your dad had a really rough day buddy, and he just needs a bit of space.” It was the truth, but after everything that had happened that day, it felt like a lie. One second they were helping a girl on a helicopter and the next, Eddie had been screaming and running furiously toward something that wasn’t even there. It had been terrifying as Buck had wrapped his arms around the older man until he calmed down. Even then Eddie had not come back to himself, not until they were back to the station.War flashbacks, he had said.orBuck has Christopher for the night after Eddie has a rough day. Doesn't mean the three of them can't be together in other ways.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 374





	if I could only read your mind (then I could map out all the ways to make it right)

**Author's Note:**

> HERE I AM, BACK WITH WITH ANOTHER THING NAMED AFTER A JONAS BROTHERS SONG.  
> Thank you so much to the Buddie discord for all the help and of course, to my amazing beta [shania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaniamr/pseuds/Shaniamr).  
> And yes, in case you were wondering, this is based on _Hesitate_ by the Jonas Brothers ♥

“Buck”

“Yeah?”

“Is dad really not coming with us tonight?”

It’s not like this is the first time that Christopher and Buck have had a sleepover on their own, but it’s the only time that Eddie is not on shift when it happens. Whenever they are both free, it’s usually the three of them always together, either at Eddie’s or his apartment, but Buck couldn’t really remember when was the last time they spent the night in different houses. 

Christopher had the right to ask, and to be honest Buck was already waiting for the question. When Eddie had asked him to pick the kid up from school, they had both settled on what kind of information they were going to give to the kid and how much they could explain to him, given the circumstances.

He brings the little Diaz closer to his side, his arm wrapping around his shoulders and moving his head down, trying to be on the same level as him while they sat on the couch. He had read somewhere about this, about how kids understood better when the adult talked to them on the same level, showing them how important they are.

“Well, your dad had a really rough day buddy, and he just needs a bit of space.” It was the truth, but after everything that had happened that day, it felt like a lie. One second they were helping a girl on a helicopter and the next, Eddie had been screaming and running furiously toward something that wasn’t even there. It had been terrifying as Buck had wrapped his arms around the older man until he calmed down. Even then Eddie had not come back to himself, not until they were back to the station.

War flashbacks, he had said.

“But if he had a bad day, we should be there with him!”

And Buck couldn’t help but share the sentiment. It had been hard to walk away from Eddie when he knew the state he was in, but Christopher always came first to the both of them and well, he trusted his best friend’s judgment. He knew that there was nothing that Eddie wanted more than to hold his son in his arms, so this was probably hell for him too. After driving the other man home, Buck had refused to leave until his best friend promised to call if he needed anything.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel the same unease that he knews Christopher felt too. “I know, Superman. And we will be right there tomorrow morning to make him breakfast and give him the biggest hug in the history of hugs, okay?”

Normally, a comment like that would have made the kid smile and laugh, but now he just nodded back absently, moving forward until his head collapsed onto Buck’s chest, who immediately moved to hold him closer.

“I like it when it’s the three of us”

Buck had to look up to the ceiling, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself under control knowing he couldn’t break down in front of the kid. “I like it too.” If he hid his face in Christopher’s hair to calm himself down, well, no one can blame him.

And Buck just knows he has to be here for both of them. It had nothing to do with the lawsuit or that fight in the store that sometimes still haunted his dreams. It has to do with how much Eddie meant to him, with how much this little family unit has turned into his whole world. He couldn’t help but remember what Bobby said a lifetime ago, about not trying to get Abby out of the situation but being there with her, supporting her.

He knew there was no way to get rid of Eddie’s demons or Christopher out of his condition; the only thing Buck could do is hold their hands tightly and help, in whatever way he could, to make it at least a bit easier.

And maybe, just maybe, they would understand that it was his way of telling them how much he loved them.

The rest of the afternoon and early night went slowly, with them watching movies, even when neither of them were truly paying attention. After a quick dinner, they both agreed to go to bed early, mostly because neither one had the energy to do anything else. Buck thought that maybe he should have pressed harder, tried to bring a smile to Christopher’s face any way he could, but he also knew he had to respect the kid’s feelings, because they are just as valid as everyone’s else, probably even more sp. He has the right to feel sad and to miss his dad, even if he is just gone for the night

They are in the middle of picking a book, trying to come up with something new to read since Harry Potter was a thing they could never do without Eddie, when his phone rings. It’s almost embarrassing how many beats his heart skipped as he saw Eddie’s face on it.

He couldn’t answer fast enough and Eddie’s voice soothed an ache in his soul, as cheesy as that sounds. “Hey,” He sounded exhausted, like even talking is such an effort, and yet it is the most amazing sound in the world for Buck.

“Hey, Eddie” He couldn’t help but let his voice raise a little bit, smiling brightly at the way Christopher’s whole face lit ups.

“Daddy!”

Immediately, Buck puts the phone in between him and Christopher, just in time for them to both hear Eddie’s deep laugh on the other side. “I see someone is missing me.”

Before Buck could get any words out, Christopher was already talking quickly. “We were picking what to read tonight. We didn’t want you to miss Harry Potter.” He couldn’t help but look at the kid and he wonders if he can understand just how much he loved him, how every single thing he does just makes him more and more fond of him. “Daddy, can you stay on the phone? Buck can read and it will be like you are here”

He doesn’t know if Eddie wanted to say something else when he called, if there was another reason, but he sounds almost happy when he talks again “Sure, buddy. I’d love that”

And somehow, it’s enough for a while.

* * *

As the chapter progressed, and Christopher’s eyes dropped lower and lower, Buck had started to lower his voice to not disturb him. They would probably have to read some parts again, but it didn’t matter. Neither him nor Eddie seemed to bothered with continuing, however, when Christopher had turned on his side, giving Buck his back. There had been a few minutes of comfortable silence until Eddie decided to break it.

“You still there Buck?”

“Yeah” If Buck closed his eyes, he could see Eddie there, sitting on the other side of Christopher. He just has to force his mind a little bit to remember how soft he looked with his son tucked against his chest, that little smile he always gives to him. “It’s easy to picture you here. ”

Maybe it’s the fact that he was already half asleep or because Eddie soundedso vulnerable on the phone, that Buck can’t do anything but being honest. It’s like they were in their own little bubble, safe for a little bit.

“I wished I was.” He doesn’t think he’dever heard Eddie sound so small.

If Buck had to be the rock he leaned on, he was going make sure he did a fucking good job at it. No pretense, no half assed declarations. It was not the time for it. “I know. We miss you.”

Did Eddie know how much? Could he hear just how much longing his body contained?

“I miss you too.” And then, like he was second guessing himself, he added, “Both of you.” It made Buck smile, both because he catches the meaning and because Eddie can be so dense sometimes. Still, all traces of the smile disappeared as he kept listening. “But I didn’t… I don’t know how tonight is going to go. I didn’t want Christopher here”

“I know” He  _ does _ . It’s not the first that war and his consequences had been talked about between them, more after Eddie had started therapy after the whole street fighting thing. They had covered the times nightmares had been a little bit too vivid, a little too close to dangerous to the persons around him and Buck knew how out of control Eddie felt in those times “Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be there, man.” He could help, if Eddie gave him the chance.

“I don’t want you to see me like this either.”

That gave him pause. Or more like it breaks something inside him because how could Eddie be worried about him seeing him in any way? When they had been through so much together? Eddie had been there in his darkest times, when he didn’t even know who he was or when the pain was so loud that it took reality away from him. In all of those times, Eddie had held his hand tight and never let him go.

How could he not see that Buck was ready to do the same? Or even more?

“Eddie, I don’t…” He doesn’t know where to start or how to stop the words he wants to say, so he just… Doesn’t. “Listen, I have your back, remember? In good things and bad things, always.”

Buck just talks and hopes, with everything in him, that Eddie’s heart is ready to accept them for what they are.

“I love you. Good and bad.  _ We _ love you, we are your family, Eddie. We won’t ever go anywhere.”

In the quiet of the night, the breath Eddie takes on the other side of the phone is loud and it made Buck close his eyes, wait for the blow, or maybe the dismissal comment hiding in a joke, but it never comes. What comes after moves his entire life and at the same time, centers everything. His past, his present and his future.

“I love you too.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and Buck can feel the corners of his eyes moving slightly up as a smile stretches across his face. “You do?”

Eddie’s laugh is almost breathless and yeah, Buck can totally share the sentiment because  _ holy shit _ . “Yeah, I do. And even if I didn’t already, that little speech was pretty convincing.”

He almost falls into their usual banter, but this is too important. This moment feels too big. “It’s true. All of it. I’ll tell you all again tomorrow when I see you. I’ll tell you everyday for the rest of our lives of you want me too.”

“I can’t wait, Evan.”

And he really is about to swoon so hard and tell Eddie all about how much he likes his name said like that when there is movement beside him and before he knows it, Christopher is turning around with a grin that is almost too big for his face.

“I love you too, daddy. And Buck too!”

The only thing Buck can do is look at Christopher in complete disbelief because he was asleep! He checked before he stopped reading! “How much did you hear?”

“Since you said we loved him.” Honestly, he was mortified but also a little proud of Christopher’s acting skills. Not that he would ever say it, but still.

“It’s past your bedtime, Christopher.” Eddie’s voice appeared out of nowhere and by the way it sounded, he can already imagine how his cheeks must be a little pink. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking, because Eddie looks really good when he blushes.

“Are you going to kiss now? May told me to let her know before anyone else if you did.”

Before Buck can protest about how Christopher should not be gossiping like that with May, Eddie is already laughing on the side and that’s instantly distracting “Only if Buck promises to make breakfast when you two come home tomorrow” And fuck, doesn’t that make heart feels too big for his chest? Home to Eddie.  _ Finally _ .

“I’ll make such a breakfast that you will own me kisses for years, Diaz.”

**Author's Note:**

> ♥♥ Hope you enjoyed as much as I did writing it!


End file.
